well, just somethings to get off my chest n i dun think it will be heard here anyway.
My own 10mnths plus old r/s with him is apporaching an end. It is not official yet but soon will be.
Losing him is like losing a property. i mean, only in the comfort of ur own house that u allow urself to let ur guards downs. it works when i am with him. In front of him, i dun build a wall, i am just myself, the laidback person that i hardly allow myself to be. In fornt of him i am docile , i behave like a kid. He is like a haven that shelters me from the elements of storms.
The starting of our r/s was sweet. Everything was in place. Not quite when it goes further. I feel drained , lost, doubtful and depressed. Many times, i felt my world collasped, i hold on and beliveve in us because i dun want this to be another 3mnts/6mnths affairs. I hate to lose, hate to admit defeat so easily. I believe if i hold on n brave through it, things will be better. It will be better and our r/s will have a breakthrough. Or have i been kidding myself all along.
I know without him, things will be different. the void in my heart will always reminds me how much i miss him. Frankly speaking hardly anyone makes me feel like that. Feelings are worthless, but seriously how many people do u feel at ease with and are willing ti let ur guards down, u know they wont judge but let u be the way as if u want it? How many, just how many?
I know u wont see this, but thank you for the past 10 months. It must be words of anger when i claimed the time spent with u equates to have been suffering in vain. Although i have my fair share of woes but it was much esaier to cope having you by myside. when i burst into tears, u were quick to comfort me, when i felt shortchanged by people, u tell me its alright, i still have u. I still have u.You wsated ur precious 10 mnths with me too. sorry that i couldnt afford to give u the best time of ur life. Sorry that i am such a demanding person. Sorry that i made u unhappy. sorry.
I will never forget our own happy little moments.Be it when we were having our first official date at mt faber. Or the times we spent in haw par villa, the cockles we had in pasir pamjang, random dates in lot 1 yew tee mall, wcp, alexander and udders in west mall. We went to kampong glam and chinatown as well. I always feel relunctant to see u leave at jurong point. I just want to hug u for another second. Staying at ur boss place was awesome. living with u was awesome. the time when i have peaceful sleep when u are patting me to sleep.
If our fate has come to an end, will i be regretful? Maybe. Maybe i gave up too easily, or maybe i should stop trying so hard esp with things that concerns the matters of heart. I am so confused.Is this the best solution? Is it really better than we go our seperate ways?
i know it will not be easy. I just have to cry myself to bed, pick myself up and move on. I will be used to being alone. Eat alone, shop alone and stare balnkly at the walls again. I wish it never end. i dun want this to end either. I dun want a breakup to begin with.
Take care of urself, i know you are busy making ur work. I know u will do well and go far in life because u have what it takes to succeed in life.
I love you,
Annie.
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