well, just somethings to get off my chest n i dun think it will be heard here anyway.

  My own 10mnths plus old r/s with him is apporaching an end. It is not official yet but soon will be.

Losing him is like losing a property. i mean, only in the comfort of ur own house that u allow urself to let ur guards downs. it works when i am with him. In front of him, i dun build a wall, i am just myself, the laidback person that i hardly allow myself to be. In fornt of him i am docile , i behave like a kid. He is like a haven that shelters me from the elements of storms.

 The starting of our r/s was sweet. Everything was in place. Not quite when it goes further. I feel drained , lost, doubtful and depressed. Many times, i felt my world collasped, i hold on and beliveve in us because i dun want this to be another 3mnts/6mnths affairs. I hate to lose, hate to admit defeat so easily. I believe if i hold on n brave through it, things will be better. It will be better and our r/s will have a breakthrough. Or have i been kidding myself all along.

I know without him, things will be different. the void in my heart will always reminds me how much i miss him. Frankly speaking hardly anyone makes me feel like that. Feelings are worthless, but seriously how many people do u feel at ease with and are willing ti let ur guards down, u know they wont judge but let u be the way as if u want it? How many, just how many?

I know u wont see this, but thank you for the past 10 months. It must be words of anger when i claimed the time spent with u equates to have been suffering in vain. Although i have my fair share of woes but it was much esaier to cope having you by myside. when i burst into tears, u were quick to comfort me, when i felt shortchanged by people, u tell me its alright, i still have u. I still have u.You wsated ur precious 10 mnths with me too. sorry that i couldnt afford to give u the best time of ur life. Sorry that i am such a demanding person. Sorry that i made u unhappy. sorry.

I will never forget our own happy little moments.Be it when we were having our first official date at mt faber. Or the times we spent in haw par villa, the cockles we had in pasir pamjang, random dates in lot 1 yew tee mall, wcp, alexander  and udders in west mall. We went to kampong glam and chinatown as well. I always feel relunctant to see u leave at jurong point. I just want to hug u for another second. Staying at ur boss place was awesome. living with u was awesome. the time when i have peaceful sleep when u are patting me to sleep.

If our fate has come to an end, will i be regretful? Maybe. Maybe i gave up too easily, or maybe i should stop trying so hard esp with things that concerns the matters of heart. I am so confused.Is this the best solution? Is it really better than we go our seperate ways?

i know it will not be easy. I just have to cry myself to bed, pick myself up and move on. I will be used to being alone. Eat alone, shop alone and stare balnkly at the walls again. I wish it never end. i dun want this to end either. I dun want a breakup to begin with.

 Take care of urself, i know you are busy making ur work. I know u will do well and go far in life because u have what it takes to succeed in life.

 I love you,

 Annie.

  可以在自己的世界喘一口气。

  就快要毕业了。但毕业并不代表失业。我还是名副其实的劳碌命打工妹。Zzzzzzzzz。

  太久没和电脑互动联络感情，呵呵。或是吧， 我是真的一个需要很多空间和自由的女人。

  思绪有点模糊。对身边的人事物也只能用厌倦来形容。

  我真的要求的不多。但你也对，为什么我总是那么悲观，想来想去都是那些有的没。这样下去也只会使身边的人对我敬而远之。

  说到底，如果我要幸福，我就要改变我的想法和信念。

  我也不想没天都忙忙碌碌。￥是永远赚不够的。Pay 就像月经。每个月一次，过了几天后就没了。

   爱一个人有时真的好累。
   他现在有了安稳的正当工作，我也谢天谢地，祖宗显灵。
   但是他也没时间陪我。我开心也担心。
   开心，因为我热爱自由。现在有了那么一点点的私人空间整理自己。
   担心，因为时间可能淡化彼此的爱。

   你看我，白天上课晚上打工。唯有周末可以吃饱撑。
   他的行程表不固定。有早有晚，周末也忙。
   就算有时间也是拿来睡觉。
   我和他也只能尽量配合。

   辛苦一定会。但对我而言，我觉得是值得的。
   我觉得有时是命，或是生命的真理。
  
   如果没努力过哪会懂得珍惜？生命的真理。
  有时努力过但结果不是你所想要的，这就叫命。

   六天后就是我和他的第七个月。好快。
   我知道我非常难伺候，喜欢拿他来出气。
   但我也不喜欢他的稚气，小心眼。

   他需要一点时间证明自己。我不知道会不会这样白白的赔上青春，
   但是至少我曾经认真勇敢的爱过。